Funny Sayings

Fitness – if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.

If you exercise your mind, you’re not going to get sick.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.

If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.

When you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are.
But when you are down in life, you get to know who your friends are .

Let`s have a good laugh!

Every body laughs several times a day for different reasons. After hearing a joke, watching a comedy movie or reading a comic book.
Humor is one of the important senses that human being is blessed with.
Laughing expresses a feeling of happiness.
Humor and laughter are contagious and they cause a cumulative effect of amusement and joy.
In addition, they offer a number of positive health benefits.

Laughter reduces the levels of certain hormones, cortisol, growth hormone, epinephrine and dopac, which are associated with stress response. So it helps relieve stress, depression, anxiety, grief, anger and irritation.
Laughing also decreases pain by releasing a hormone, endorphins. It improves our attentiveness, pulse and heart rate.

What are you waiting for? Start laughing and you will soon start to feel better about yourself and the world that you live in!

Below i have listed funny quotes and sayings for you to read at you leisure.
Set down today and have a good laugh!

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house

In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Always laugh when you can. It is the cheapest medicine.

People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon...

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

A travel agent told I could spend seven nights in Hawaii… no days, just nights.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend

I learned to sleep with my eyes open in school.